One manifestation of my bad week was with my 3.5 year old. We seemed to be on a total disconnect. There were so many moments when I wanted to run from the house and hide – for a long while. I thought surely someone would revoke my ‘mommy-license’ if they were watching.
It hit the breaking point yesterday as he just repeatedly defied me, not caring whether or not he was punished for it. In fact, punishing him seemed to just spur him on…
My heart just started breaking. I started pleading with him, with myself, with God -just trying to understand him. Something just didn't feel right. I asked him why he was so angry, but my little man of few words is rarely able to articulate himself when he’s upset. I’m not sure if it is an age thing, a boy thing or just a personality thing, but he simply isn’t a verbal communicator.
Finally I felt a nudge from the Lord as He dropped the memory of a sibling squabble that my sister and I had when we were young. In frustration, my mom tied us together for the day and told us that we were sisters and needed to learn how to get along -one way or another. Doing everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, together for the day helped us work through our differences and learn how to cooperate and love each other at the same time.
So I figured I would give it a try with Keegan. Babywearing worked beautifully for us during the baby phase, so I decided to do it again with my almost 4 year old. My hips are a bit sore, but that walk we took yesterday was a healing balm to our relationship. I could feel his tension begin to dissolve as I strolled around the neighborhood with him snuggled up on my back. Touch is a powerful thing.
Today we took another walk. And guess what?!?!? He started talking to me, whispering observations about our environment, how it made him feel and how much he loved me…
I am not a great listener, but I am learning how important it is to be attentive to the various ways that with these little men of mine (and the big one too) communicate.
Hopefully, one of these days I’ll get it figured out. In the meantime, I’m thankful for those little nudges that God gives and fresh grace. I'm also thankful that God keeps us close like that, even when we are disobedient. He pulls us close and showers us with love. He extends grace, forgiveness, understanding and then power and motivation to change. What an example I have!
(picture taken over a year ago at the zoo)
Heather, what a beautiful example of listening to God and parenting in a way that can see counterintuitive, but is right on. I hope it continues to be helpful for both of you! :)
ReplyDeleteHow sweet!!!
ReplyDeleteNOW i know why i was thinking of you all week! i really should have listened to those nudges and called you, friend. thank you for being honest here about mommy-life...how awesome that you were able to focus on what God wanted you to do :) and how sweet the immediate fruit!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that, Heather! I've been having the same struggle with my 6 year old, and came to the same conclusion about time together just yesterday. Now I can't wait to see if it works for her. (She's a little too big to carry though:)
ReplyDeleteHeather...this is why this community exists...whether we like technology or not, God uses it for His purpose! I needed to hear your story. I have a 4 yo boy who I am struggling w/terribly lately who is also big into touch. With 5 kids and one on the way, with him too heavy to hold very much anymore, with my lap off limits again due to nausea and later a growing baby, I feel lost as to what to do. Thank you for the encouragement. I see God nudging me as my patience with him wanes and his disobedience seems to be spiking. The Power or Touch. I will remember that tomorrow. Thank you again!
ReplyDeleteYes, community is so helpful. I'd love to say that he's had a complete turnaround, but we are still having some discipline issues... Despite that though there is a new level of communication and he knows I love him, even though I have to be firm and inforce limits.
ReplyDeleteAmy and Mavy, I'll be praying that God makes it clear to you how you are to love your little one's and reach them.
It is so encouraging to also hear that I'm not alone in this. I'm in good company ladies and God is faithful to love and care for our children better than we ever could alone!